First day!

Today, April 1st, is the first day of NaPaWriMo, and I am gonna do my best to post a poem each and every day. Keep in mind these writings are going to be all first drafts! Hopefully I can also include some second drafts, etc and show the evolving nature of my writings:)

Indescribable

Asleep I dream a man takes a bat to my deltoids, quadriceps knees, legs. I owe no debt, I just won an unlucky lottery, a pain roulette

I wake but only the man disappears

the pain lingers, fire ants crawling through my veins

I must have sinned against some god I never knew,

my body caving in but I lack the one saving grace the public allows:

I am no martyr with sunken cheeks with one eye towards the light

I haven’t given up on this world, the one that seems to want to give up on me

No. Although my body swells with the reminder of my illness and the fight within, I keep my eyes forward, ahead of me, one foot at a time.

Tied down by my ‘patient pal’ I wheel my lifeline through the hallway of

the hospital and in the rooms through the glass doors I see in one

my friends and enemies trying on wedding dresses, pricing rings, getting jobs with benefits (with health insurance, oh the irony), reading ‘what to expect when you’re expecting’, while I look for a way to climb back to my old life, as long as there is a ramp with a gentle incline.

I cart myself through the halls, knives in my bones, looking for the blinking exit sign.